Severe MS (Monday Sickness)

Severe MS (Monday Sickness) 01/22/2012

The past few weeks I’ve been more emotional than the rest of my pregnancy combined. Maybe I was too exhausted during the first trimester to spend any energy on unnecessary irrational emoting. Maybe my brain was too fuzzed-out to process any cognitive thoughts other than “Wake up”, “6:55 train”, “Chipotle”, “Bed”, and the occasional “Shower?...nah”.
Recently, I’ve been feeling the weight of certain stressors more acutely, and now I have the mental capacity to process the emotions that the stressors bring. Because tomorrow is Monday, I’m dedicating tonight’s stress vent to our job situations.
Jay was recently laid off (although those exact words were not used, but let’s be honest. He had a job, now he doesn’t. And he wasn’t fired.) He pretty much has a job “in the bag” at a company (Job A) whose services are very similar to the ones offered by his last job. Great benefits, health insurance, plenty of hours. Awesome! But the guy who would be his boss is impossible to get ahold of, and keeps pushing back the “earliest time” he can speak with Jay. We’re going on month two of living off my salary alone, and trust me, with a wife in her second trimester, the grocery budget NEEDS to get bigger. Jay had a great interview at a different company (Job B) this week, and the position sounds like something he would excel at and truly enjoy. The only drawback is that it is a tiny company and it’s very new. He couldn’t be paid very much, probably no medical insurance, and no real guarantee that the company will survive. In six months he could be laid off again and we could be in the same exact position we’re in now. Except that this time we wouldn’t have my salary and we would have a three-month-old baby.
One of my deepest desires is for my husband to have a job that he truly enjoys, one that uses his talents and leaves him feeling fulfilled after a day’s work. Job B really seems like the answer. But it doesn’t solve the insecurity problem. Horrible as it is, I must admit that I would rather he take Job A and sacrifice the fulfillment and enjoyment for the security of an established company with a higher income and better benefits. I wish I could blame the desire for the income and benefits on the coming baby, but...
I have my own job issues. My main issue is that I hate my job, which is sad because in all honesty, it’s not a bad job. The work is easy (and monotonous), the pay is decent (for what they expect of me), and the benefits are supreme (okay, I do love our health insurance package). But I’m a financial researcher. FINANCE. I have my degree in political science. I skipped econ classes on purpose. I HATE MONEY. I have zero interest in finance whatsoever. I work in a department with really no room for promotion, in a field that I have zero passion for and zero interest in furthering my career, and that makes it really hard to put real effort into a day’s work. Even the knowledge that in less than four months I’m going on maternity leave really doesn’t help me get through the week. I’ve never wanted to be the person who was just getting by ‘til Friday, but alas, this job has turned me into a corporate American who endures the week for the weekend that is ahead. Insult to injury: can’t even join my coworkers for a mid-week happy hour. Well, I suppose technically I could.

Can I get another round of Shirley Temples?

Comments

Ariel

01/23/2012 2:22pm

We can start praying for Jay to find the right job. God will provide. It is hard to wait, no one will argue with you there, but He will use the waiting to produce fruit in your life if you allow Him to. <3

Love your blog, btw. Consider me a reader!

Matt

01/28/2012 10:22am

Aw Katherine, I know exactly how you feel re: your job issues. On the one hand, I get paid very well for what I do, have great benefits, airtight job security, and my work is even intellectually stimulating for a good chunk of time. On the other hand, I resent toiling for a big bureaucracy, wish that I was working in a field where I was actually passionate about and emotionally connected to my work, and my ego proudly looks down its nose at my colleagues who are settling for being corporate lifers (enduring the week for the weekend and paycheck) while also reluctantly beginning to realize that I'm quickly turning into one of them.

I know I've got it great compared to a lot of people, so I don't know if I'm being selfish, discontent for the sake of being discontent, or simply naive. Or a combination of all three. And now I'm on the eve of embarking on a two-year experiment to try to figure out what it is exactly I lack.

Anyway, I don't have any advice, just empathy. Keep your chin up! You and Jay are smart, hardworking, and resourceful, and people like you always end up succeeding at whatever you do. Besides, nobody has their lives completely figured out in their mid-twenties anymore. :)

Preggers Can't Be Choosers

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